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ISBN Print: 978-1-5092-2121-9
ISBN Digital: 978-1-5092-2122-6
Page Count: 340
Word Count: 88255
One man’s junk might be her treasure...
After suffering twenty-eight years in a sexless marriage, forty-nine-year-old Ginnie Snow, a self-described “walking vagina,” scrabbles out of the doldrums of divorce and dives into the maelstrom of online dating. In her search for love, she is surprised, shocked, disappointed, and amused by the men she meets. She finds herself treading the swamp-waters of the internet world—deceptions, truths, and assorted "junk." But none of her internet dating adventures can compare to her own horrific deed of sexual need and betrayal.
Don’t underestimate a woman with a penis chart.
It seemed like too much, too soon, too fast—desperate for a mate, regardless of who she could be. But that rib-crushing hug spoke to me and sent uneasy images to my brain: me in a fifties apron removing cupcakes from our matrimonial oven; my carting the laundry basket with freshly-ironed linens upstairs to our boudoir; my vacuuming the floors devoid of cat hair because my new husband hated all animals; my greeting him with a kiss and a gin and tonic when he arrived home from the office. My imagination went wild with my married state that would certainly jump-start Kenny the widower but would devolve me into humanus domesticus overnight. I was scared out of my wits.
But as soon as I revealed the farm girl in me, he lost all oomph for his new bride-to-be. No longer attractive was this pig-prattling, swine-swilling woman who surely had the smell of hog manure clinging to her stilettos. Yep, he must’ve thought: She can dress herself up, but she can’t go out. She ate like Wilbur from Green Acres, chili flying in every direction, melted crackers sticking to her gums, orange chili-foam at the corners of her lips. No doubt, he pictured me, as his new bride, in the nude, too: her leg hairs, no doubt, bristly; her skin dry and flaky as a swine’s. She probably belched when she laughed hard. And during sex…well, she would probably grunt and fart like hell.
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